I love books.
I love books more than life itself.
Leave me alone in a room with a good book, and you won't hear a peep for hours.
Recently, while perusing Barnes and Noble, I stumbled across a horror novel called "Heart Shaped Box" by Joe Hill.
For those who don't know, Hill wrote the book, "Horns", which recently had a mildly successful film adaptation starring Harry Po- I mean Daniel Radcliffe.
But that's not what drew me to Hill's book.
No, what drew me to Heart Shaped Box is that Joe Hill is the son of legendary horror author, Stephen King.
Yes, that Stephen King.
So, I was intrigued, and I took it home.
Heart Shaped Box follows the paranormal misadventures of Judas Coyne, a washed up rock star who's obsessed with death. His obsession started out as part of his band's gimmick, but now in his late fifties, he's become consumed by matters of the macabre. Things really go wrong for Coyne when he purchases a dead man's jacket...
A dead man's jacket that promises to be the home of a ghost.
As time goes on, Judas learns that not only is the jacket possessed by a vengeful spirit, but that it was no coincidence that it came to be in his possession.
Spooky stuff, seriously.
What can I say about this book?
I really loved it. Ten out of ten. Two thumbs way, way up.
This is the Catalina Wine-mixer of contemporary horror.
If this were to be made into a movie, I would definitely see it opening night...
Or maybe I wouldn't.
See, when I was reading this book, I couldn't help but think over and over that I hadn't been that spooked by a movie in years.
Let me tell you how spooked I was, I read the entire book in two sittings.
Why two, and not one?
Because half way through, I glanced up at the clock, saw that it was really late, and remembered that I didn't eat dinner.
Yeah. It was so good, I forgot to eat.
So, I got up and walked to the kitchen... Where I became overwhelmingly aware that A. it was dark out and B. I was the only person in the house.
Every shadow was Craddock McDermott, the ghastly antagonist of the book.
Every shape in my peripheral vision was out to get me, and I was doomed.
So I took a deep breath.
I told myself, I said, "Self. You wanted a scary book. You got one, now come back to reality".
And I did. I took a deep breath and made a sandwich.
Then I turned around, and staring me dead in the face, was a ghost dog.
A hell hound, enwreathed in flame, bright red eyes, blood dripping from its snout crept around the corner towards me.
I leapt ten feet in the air, hair standing on end, sandwich flying into the darkness..,
Of course, it wasn't really a hell hound.
It was actually the family's yellow lab, Mayzie.
But that was enough for me, I walked back into my room, popped in an old George Carlin stand-up DVD (You Are All Diseased, incidentally), and went to sleep.
I could rant and rave about the book all day. I could sit here and tell you how powerful Hill's imagery is, or how you learn to fall in love with each of his flawed characters, hell, I could even tell you how Hill's writing style not only emulates his fathers'... but maybe even surpasses it.
I could say all of those things...
But I really don't think that any of that gets the point that this is one ridiculously scary book across as much as saying that I, Ryan Smith, lover of all things that go "boo" in the night, lost sleep while I read this book.
If you want to have the pants scared off of you this Halloween this season... Pick up "Heart Shaped Box" by Joe Hill. You won't be disappointed.
...Available at BarnesAndNoble.com
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